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Want to fill up your Facebook feed with inspirational messages and quotes (just be aware that others might be able to see what you like)? “Like,” follow or friend the following pages (it is a hell of a lot better than scrolling through drinking stories and pictures of bourbon and wine):
My husband quit drinking on the same day I did. He makes it look terribly easy. He is getting seriously in shape. He sleeps like a damn baby. I am envious. Yesterday, he posted ‘quit drinking’ as a life event on Facebook. I was floored. I wasn’t mad, I was just amazed. Here, I have been agonizing about how to tell my friends and co-workers and he just posts it on Facebook. No big deal, right? Fuck! When I asked him about it this morning, he said simply, “I am not ashamed. It was just getting in the way.”
Since his post yesterday, I have been thinking about how I might answer questions or discuss my choice to quit drinking with friends. In my mind, strangely, it always starts, “It was becoming a problem.” BULLSHIT. It WAS a problem. It had been a problem for a very long time. I might not have had to deal with legal repercussions or devastated relationships, but there are only so many times you can get away with driving terribly drunk or going to work terribly hungover before shit really falls apart. So where does this, “it was becoming a problem” come from? Am I hoping to sugar coat it for people who probably don’t want to hear the sordid details or am I ashamed? Maybe a little of both. I know there are friends who won’t want to talk about it because my ‘problem’ will reflect their ‘problem.’ But I think it is the feeling of failing somehow that really bothers me. Being an alcoholic means somewhere along the line, I lost control. I have a weakness. I can’t do what others can. I can’t have one or two. I can’t drink one or two nights. I am fucked up. This is the record that plays in my head. Alcoholic=fucked up failure. I know this is bullshit. I know I am doing the best possible thing for me and my family but sometimes it really sucks.
I am lucky to have a solid core of folks who understand and are very supportive. I am lucky I have a supportive partner who is on the same path with me. Maybe I should just thank my lucky damn stars and go the fuck to sleep?
BTW- I posted ‘quit drinking’ as a life event, too. Bandaid-ripped off. Voila! I am out as sober person.
1. Packing and organization for travel NOT hungover or buzzed is much easier.
2. Feel twitchy and a bit edgy today. Also, I am experiencing more cravings than usual. I think part of it is more habit than anything. When I pack, I usually drink and I almost always screw something up. Shocking, right?
3. I am nervous about our trip. I am visiting my bestie, who is very empathetic and supportive- that visit will be easy. My dad, on the other hand, is a manic, recovered alcoholic. He is loads of fun but hanging out with him is a full time job. Decompression could be an issue. He is also very supportive. I just need to remember to take a break if I need it… He will understand.
4. Why are people posting pictures of beer at 2PM on a freaking Thursday?
5. Does anyone have any input on Melatonin? I am trying it to help with my f-ed sleep issues. So far, so moderately good. I was almost asleep at 12:30 this morning which is an improvement over 4AM…
6. Any thoughts on fun places to go or things to do in SLC or Boise?
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I am going to have to stay away from Facebook and Instagram tomorrow. Every moron with a camera is taking pictures of bottles of alcohol. Really, people? Not helping! This is my defense: Kombucha, Coconut water and seltzer. Take that! This will my first sober 4th since high school, but what I am really looking forward to is the hangover-free 5th. 🙂