Dogs

F#*k Fridays

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This week has felt like one long sobriety test (pun intended) but I have decided that Friday, is by far, my least favorite day of the week (this might be because school hasn’t started and I am a teacher). I had a shit day on Wednesday and couldn’t find anyone to watch my kids so I could go to a meeting. Grrr. My solution was pizza and wings (better than bourbon, right?). I made it through. Thursday, conversely, was a wonderful day. I usually go to an AA meeting on Thursday (or at least that is the day I have “committed” to meeting attendance) but I was feeling so good that I decided to skip it. Friday (Today), however, sucked on a near biblical level. All day, thoughts of Friday “happy hour”drinks kept popping into my head. I spent the day with a really good friend, but she is a normie so I didn’t feel totally comfortable giving her a play by play of the inner workings of my alcoholic brain (although we did have a cool conversation about HPs).

The day went smoothly until it didn’t. Within an hour, I found out my dad was in the hospital and my children (6 and 4), who had behaved all day, lost their minds and turned into demon children right before my eyes. The icing on the cake was that my son decided to bring our very large, very untrained, very unworldly dogs out into the front yard on a leash. The dogs, being utter morons and weighing around 200 lbs together, took off down a huge hill that leads directly to a busy street. It was utter chaos featuring a cacophony of  of screaming children and their very angry, very freaked out (flip flop wearing- not conducive to chasing dogs down a hill) mom. No wonder the dogs made a run for it. It all miraculously turned out ok (the dogs are ok and I didn’t sell my children) but holy fucking hell did I want a drink after all of that.

On one of the messages my dad left from the hospital, he said he was proud of me for going to AA and encouraged me to keep going. Hubby watched the wee ones and I attended a meeting. It was my favorite meeting so far and I feel much, much better. I survived the afternoon from hell without bourbon, beer or wine! Woo-hoo!

I have been going to meeting for a couple of weeks and I feel like I might like to try out the whole sponsor thing. How does that work? Do you ask someone or wait until they offer? I feel like the little bird in “Are you my mother?” when I consider asking someone… Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank goodness Friday is almost OVER!

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Things I am doing well (man, this shit is hard)

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It is easy to list all of the things I fear or all my shortcomings. Maybe I need to do what I always tell others to do, focus on what is right instead of what is wrong. 

1. 42 days sober is pretty fucking awesome.

2. I remember almost every detail of the episodes of Dexter, True Blood and series 4 of Dr. Who that I have watched over the last month.

3. Last week I went on two long walks (with a wee bit of jogging thrown in), did three yoga sessions (one actual class) and attended 2 AA meetings (mooring lines).

4. I have been meditating regularly.

5. I have half of a hat and 1/4 of a throw knitted.

6. I have been eating better than I have in years.

7. I have read several wonderful soul affirming books and several trashy romances this summer.

8. The house is in passable condition.

9. My dogs really love me.

10. My kids know I love them.