Month: October 2013

106 Days

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Well, 100Image days (and my 38th birthday) came and went (see my pretty 100 day ring?) What have I learned in 106 days?

  • I am an alcoholic – no doubt about it. My denial was a sovereign nation unto itself. There is no romanticizing: maybe I wasn’t that bad, perhaps I could moderate, one drink won’t kill me- BULLSHIT! I know, in my heart of hearts, in my soul of souls that I. AM. A. FUCKING. ALCOHOLIC. Yep.
  • Further, I have been an alcoholic or addict most of my adult life (bummer…).
  • Getting sober is fucking hard. Seriously, it is tied with giving birth naturally and then having my baby whisked away to ICU. This shit is not for wusses, yo. 
  • AA isn’t my bag- I tried it and, for the moment, it is not for me. 
  • However, I do NEED a sober community. I have found that here and in an AMAZING Facebook group. 
  • I am a better mama sober but I am NOT perfect. I had hoped secretly that sobriety was the path to striking that serene balance between focused career woman and crafty, caring, awesome, endlessly patient mom. Um, yeah, noooo, its not.
  • I am better at my job but again, not perfect (see above). I still put things off and get freaked out and overwhelmed.
  • There is something to the 30/60/90 day thing. I felt a shift at each increment. The shift at 90 days was really significant. If you are white knuckling through, hang in there until 90 days. It gets SOOOOO MUCH BETTER. It isn’t easy but it is easier and I am no longer constantly OBSESSED with not drinking. 
  • I take better care of physical myself sober. My skin looks better than it has in years. 
  • I take better care of emotional and spiritual self, too. I can express my likes and dislikes much more succinctly and I feel more balanced (most of the time).
  • Sobriety is a path and I have just started my journey. Getting to 100 days proved to me that I am capable than more than I ever imagined or hoped. This is a beginning. I am excited about my life for the first time in a longtime. 

I am so grateful for all of my cyber pals who have read commented and suffered through the last 106 days with me. I am blessed beyond the telling. THANK YOU! I promise I will try to post more. My job has been kicking my butt lately.