A Veritable Shit Show of a Day

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(Part 1 of this was posted on the BFB FB page, as well. Sorry if it is redundant).

Part One, 6PM: Holy hell!!! Today was ROUGH. I got voicemail from my grandmother at work in which she demanded that I come to the nursing home right away so we could talk about “things.” I left work early to go see her before a hair appointment. I get to the nursing home and it is fucking (sorry) happy hour (fucking, really?) and my grandmother, instead of sitting with other people like a normal damn person, is seated at the makeshift bar by herself (not even drinking!). I had to sit next to an open can of beer and open bottles of wine while I tried to figure out what was going on with my grandmother. And….she couldn’t remember why she called!!! Next, the activity director tried to hard sell me on free booze and cheese. I told G I had to go. I was about to crawl out of my skin.

I went to my hair appointment early. When I walked in, my hairdresser offered me a glass of wine (fuck!). I shuttered and said “no.” I realized it wasn’t the nicest refusal so I told her I was in recovery (I have known her for over a decade and honestly adore her, despite the following). She was completely shocked but mildly supportive (Good…for…you… Really).  She made some comment about having the same problem years ago and having to “cut back” (Fuck you!!) Then she made a comment about an ex boyfriend who had a drug problem stating that she thought getting over addiction really just came down to willpower (after all, that was what worked for her). (Double fuck you!) Then she asked me if I had lost a lot of friends (WTF?). I am never leaving the house or speaking with anyone outside of my immediate family ever again. Ok, maybe I will just go to my Friday AA meeting, but after that- I am becoming a sober fucking hermit (sorry for all the f-bombs, it has been that kind of a day).

Part Two, 10PM:

So, I went to my AA meeting. Man, I really like this meeting. It feels very homey. I like the people, I like the vibe, I like the location and despite the fact that it is in a church, it is less God- centered than the others in town. I was a little panicked when I got there and even more panicked when a student of mine walked in to sit with his mom. Shit! But I listened to some stories, ate some birthday cake and calmed the fuck down. I had decided that I was going to share my story before I even got there (a plan I almost scrapped after I saw my student there but ultimately decided to go for it anyhow). I think I am kind of dating this meeting. It was perfect because the topic was ‘forces that keep us sober.’ Today, knowing I had my meeting was a great comfort, so I talked about that. After I shared another guy shared and then mentioned he couldn’t chair a meeting he was scheduled to chair at the end of the month. I am a chronic over helper. (Is there a support group for that?) No one volunteered so little helper me chimed right up and volunteered. The woman who was chairing the meeting looked a bit uncertain and said we could chat after the meeting. I knew I had made a tactical error almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth. After the meeting, a guy came over and somewhat awkwardly told me what I already suspected: I need a year before I can chair. Oh, but he felt it necessary to further explain how I needed to be deemed worthy of delivering the ‘AA message.’ He kept going on and on (I totally got it at, “you need a year” ponytail dude) about all of the things I needed to do or accomplish before I could take on this responsibility. I was beginning to feel really unwelcome in this little meeting. I was also starting to get a little pissed. I gently interrupted him and apologized for volunteering out of turn, grabbed my stuff and scurried out. For about an hour after the meeting, the pissed feeling stuck around. Wolfie also tried squeeze in a comment or two. (Fuck you, Wolfie! I am not in the fucking mood for your bullshit right now!). After some reflection, I have decided that I am not giving up on AA or on the meeting I like (though I really wanted to for a little while there), but I will likely steer way clear of self-righteous, ponytail dude. I am also not going to beat myself up for making an innocent mistake.

You know what else? I had this super shitty afternoon/evening but I got through it. I am going to go to bed soon, I will sleep like a baby (b/c I am freaking exhausted) and I will wake up tomorrow without a hangover, shame or otherwise. NIght, night. 🙂

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9 thoughts on “A Veritable Shit Show of a Day

    Rachel said:
    August 16, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    Love you

    Lilly said:
    August 17, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Ah, what a crappy day *hugs* But you will wake up, well rested and not hungover, and tomorrow will be another day, and you will feel good for not having drunk just because it was a crappy day and, if all else fails, there is cake. *more hugs* xx

    itwasjudith said:
    August 17, 2013 at 12:35 am

    you did very well, congratulations 🙂 hope today is better and you feel proud that you resisted through the bad day!

    zerendipity2202 said:
    August 17, 2013 at 5:49 am

    That sounds like one hellish day. The self righteous guy…… It’s hard to tell what he is really like and I am in no way damming him….but, I have come across a few and it really turns you off. Well done on not popping a can of beer. A day that tests you only makes you stronger. 😀 big smiles

    runningfromthebooze said:
    August 17, 2013 at 7:45 am

    Yikes, what a day. Are feeling better today?

    jamilynaz said:
    August 17, 2013 at 8:15 am

    Sorry you had such a shitty day, but you made it through! Sober!!! I hope today is better.
    Hugs,
    ~Jami

    themiracleisaroundthecorner said:
    August 17, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    Maya, I read this earlier today and had to run out, but I have been chuckling out it all morning. Not chuckling about your shitty day, I’m so sorry for that, but in the way you tell that story… I can tell you this, we would be fast friends, I think the way you write! And I wish we did live in the same community, because if I had been in the AA meeting where Ponytail Jackass was pontificating, I would have asked him who deemed HIM worthy of “delivering the AA message!”

    For the record, each AA group can make up their own rules in terms of length of sobriety requirements for chairing meetings, being a speaker, coffee commitments, and titled positions, but in my experience needing a year sober just to chair the meeting is definitely on the longer side… most meetings I attend require 90 days of continuous sobriety to chair a meeting. If you are looking to perform that kind of service (i.e. chairing a meeting), I would definitely recommend checking out others in the area, I am sure you could find one with less stringent requirements.

    And I realize that all of that was completely beside the point of your post, I just wanted to get that information out before I get to my real point, which is to congratulate you. First, on staying sober through the shit storm, next, for not knocking out the Activity Director (I am picturing Julie McCoy, by the way), then for not leaving the hair salon, cape still attached and flying indignantly behind you, and, finally, and most seriously, for making the decision to stick with your favorite AA meeting. I would have had the same thought process (and then some) if approached the way you are describing, and the fact that you worked through it so quickly is really admirable.

    Very, very impressive, and please, please do a follow-up post if you cross paths with the Self-Righteous Ponytail again!

      Maya June responded:
      August 18, 2013 at 9:55 am

      Aw, thanks! I am sure we would be fast friends and I love that you would have my back against ponytail man. I went to the women’s meeting yesterday and someone mentioned chairing meetings at 3 months. Hmmm. (PS the activity director looked more like Doc with a BIG mustache and he was serving in rubber medical gloves, which just added another level of WTF to the situation.)

    But Why is the Good Mood Gone? | sobriety unplugged said:
    October 2, 2013 at 10:33 am

    […] A Veritable Shit Show of a Day (mayajune98.wordpress.com) […]

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