Month: July 2013

Herbal Detox

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Herbal Detox

A good resource for herbal aids in detoxing. More on this later.


5 Things Nobody Tells You About Getting Sober

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5 Things Nobody Tells You About Getting Sober

This article really helps me when I am feeling shitty and alone.

I really should go exercise…

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This is probably the honeymoon phase of blogging. I have started blog projects in the past but have lost track of them largely because A) I was too busy getting hammered and B) when you are drunk all the time it is really hard to remember passwords and usernames. 

I am feeling pretty good about seven days but am trying to prepare myself for the challenging week ahead. It is the 4th of July here in my little western town, which means the entire (or so it seems) city is hammered from sun up to sundown. They even waive the open container laws and turn a blind eye to non-blatant drunk driving. This has always been a epic drinking day for me and my also newly sober sweetie. I know we can make it, but I can’t deny it will be challenging. 

So on to a different topic, withdrawal. Withdrawal sucks money balls. The first time I went through withdrawal was earlier this spring when I stopped drinking for 9 whole days. I wasn’t ready to admit that my drinking was abnormal (ha!) or boarding on suicidal at that point, so back on the sauce I went. That withdrawal (which was truly terrible) was a minor inconvenience compared to what I went through last week. I still have a little bit of a headache and sleep is definitely more illusive than I would like but last week I felt like the bottom of my skull was being held captive in some horrible vice (ala some 1990 mob movie). I was itchy, angry, irrational and unable to sleep. I went to get my brows done and my hairdresser, a very well meaning person with whom I have always shared tales of epic drinking, pointed out that I was, “a little jumpy.” She recommended a G & T on the P-A-T-I-O (she was spelling it out for the benefit of my 4 year-old daughter who was fluttering around the studio. I really, no joke, could have punched her right in her cute little pierced nose. I haven’t punched anyone since I was 17 and smoked marijuana laced with PCP. Thankfully, my better angels prevailed and I did not punch my longtime hair dresser. She would feel just awful if she knew what I was going through. Plus there are very few hairdressers in my little town who know how to do anything other than Texas style rodeo hair. It would have been a multi-faceted tragedy

100 days ring

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100 days ring

This is the ring I hope to buy for myself upon completion of my first 100 days of sobriety. The description on the catalog website says it all. Every arduous journey needs a talisman:

Amethyst, a translucent purple variety of quartz, is one of the most popular colored gems. The birthstone of February, it was once believed to prevent the wearer from getting drunk, and when engraved with the circle of the sun or moon, it was thought to prevent death from poison.

My 100 day pledge and a bit of my story

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Hi Belle,

I am so in! I am 7 days sober today. This last week was one of the most difficult of my life but, as I hear my little children play outside, I know I am DONE, FINISHED, FIN! I also know it is going to be difficult perhaps, beyond what I can predict. My grandmother (who helped raise me) is very ill. Her decline lead me to make stupid bad alcohol choices. OK, let’s be real, it gave me an excuse to make MORE stupid bad alcohol choices. Alcoholism has been in the mail for the past fifteen years, but the events of the past year seem to have accelerated my timeline. My drinking timeline ended with my husband (he is quitting as well) and I splitting a box of wine (the really, big cheap kind- 5L) per night and drinking upwards of 3 12 packs of beer and 2-3 bottles of hard liquor on the weekends. My six year-old noticed that we were buying a box of wine per day and reasoned (bless his soul) that that much wine couldn’t be healthy.
I am a teacher so thankfully I have some time off from work to navigate this shift. I do not, however, have the luxury of time and space in the parenting realm, nor would I want it. I have to get and keep my shit together for my little ones. I have to get and keep my shit together for myself.
My dad has been a rock over the last week. I have hidden my drinking from him because he is a recovered alcoholic himself and I knew he would call me out. He is trying to push me toward AA, but their philosophy just isn’t a good fit for me. I know I need support. Thankfully, I have my dad, my husband (who needs his own support) and a dear friend who is 4 years sober but I don’t want to drain any of those sources dry. I have spent many nights (thank you booze brain induced insomnia) reading sobriety blogs. Blogging seems like it could provide the community I so crave. I started my blog last night. Maya June is my pseudonym. As a teacher, I never know who is trolling my internet presence and for what purpose, so I have chosen for now to remain safely hidden behind Maya June (it is what we would have named my son had he turned out to be a daughter) for the time being.
So here I am and here I go:
“I will not drink for 100 days.  No matter what.  I can cry, but I will not drink.  I can go to bed or go home early. I might feel distressed … but I will not drink.  Bad things might happen, but I will not drink.  Incredibly shitty things may happen to someone around me, or my neighbor, or my friend’s friend’s grandmother.  But there will be no booze.  Funerals? Weddings? Amputation?  I’m not drinking for 100 days no matter what happens … No matter what.” My last drink was June 23rd, 2013.

Reasons to quit

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  • I want to wake up and feel ok.
  • I never want to teach hungover again.
  • I never want to parent hungover again.
  • I don’t want my kids to remember that I was drunk all of the time.
  • I never again want to avoid paying bills to make sure we have enough money for booze.
  • Baby Boy asked me why we have to buy a “set of wine (5 litter box)” everyday- It was horrifying.
  • I don’t want to be able to feel my liver in the middle of the night or wake up with heart palpitations because of my drinking.
  • I never want to hide from or feel embarrassed when I see students and/or parents at the liquor store.
  • I never want a student to point out how much alcohol he or she saw me put in my car.
  • I never want to scream at my kids because I am drunk or hungover again.
  • I never want to go sleep upstairs because of some stupid drunken fight.
  • I never want to have to struggle to remember conversations, movies or television episode because I was drunk when I watched them.
  • I never want to call my dad drunk again.
  • I want to be able to read again in the evening.
  • I want to be able to talk to my dad after the kids go to bed.
  • My skin looks like shit and my nose is getting big and red.
  • I want to be able to socialize without alcohol.
  • I don’t want to wake up at 4AM after a party or dinner and worry about what I said or if I sounded/seemed drunk.
  • I want to be able to save money and pay all of our bills every month.
  • I never want to post dumb shit on Facebook at 12AM because I am drunk.
  • I want to lose weight.
  • I want to have the energy to workout again.
  • I want to be a better role model for my kids and students.
  • I want to do better at my job.
  • I never want to call in sick because I am too hungover to teach.
  • I never want to go through withdrawal again.
  • 36″ -31″-42″- not going to happen while drinking boxes of wine and bottles of bourbon and tequila.

Week one

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I am very nearly (hours away, in fact, from being) one week sober. This may sound minuscule but it has been one of the most grueling and difficult weeks of my life. Still, I know I am on the right path. If only I could sleep. Sleep would be lovely.