Ok, here it is. I reread the 12 Steps last night and I am just not a 12 Stepper. What it comes down to for me (and only for me) is that if I believe some other force outside of myself is in control, I will just say ‘fuck it. I can’t control this’ and tumble into a deep well of bourbon and tequila. Call it a lack of faith in outside influences and perhaps and overabundance of faith in myself. I think the steps are amazing tools for others and I respect the power and the role they have played in other’s recoveries, but they are not for me. Instead, I wrote my own steps. I was going to call them rules but I never, ever pay any attention to rules (except rules that if not followed might result in death or dismemberment) so I am calling this my playbook. This is a work in progress. Yes, some of them are close cousins to one another, but for the time being, each is important enough to stand alone. As the months go by, maybe I will combine, reorder, rewrite or add to the playbook.
(Holy shit! As I typed ‘months’ I just realized it is my sober one month anniversary. Woo-Whoo!)
My Sobriety Playbook
- Admit that you are addicted to alcohol and while you are not powerless, acknowledge your addiction is a formative foe not to be fucked with.
- Ask for what you need. Realize that your recovery is essential to your survival and needs to come first right now.
- Gather the troops. Surround yourself with supportive allies. Avoid less supportive influences.
- Be introspective and self aware. Write daily. Blog, journal, write poetry, lists, and or work on your novel.
- Reach out! Listen to and read other’s stories. Realize the wisdom and power in the journeys of others who have survived or are surviving with you.
- Be curious. You have been numb most of your adult life. There are many things you likely don’t know about yourself.
- Be kind to yourself! Exercise, eat well and enjoy life.
- Forgive yourself and others.
- Breathe. Unclench. Relax.
- Recognize the voice of Wolfie. Recognize that her voice is crafty, powerful, deceptive and seductive. Wolfie wants you dead. Tell Wolfie to fuck off. Often.