I am not a Christian. I try hard to respect all faiths but I do not ascribe to one myself. I have studied the Bible and was raised Christian but it is simply not my path. It is one of the main reasons I am resisting AA. I feel it is too connected to Christian doctrine. I do, believe there is something that connects us, however. I call her/it/ him whatever, The Universe. She has always been pretty kind to me. I have always been fortunate to find the people and resources I need in life. I am lucky, blessed, whatever you want to call it.
My Sunday sanctuary for years was running. I would run while I watched all of the religious folks drive to and from church. I have gotten away from my practice of running over the past couple of years. It is really hard to run hungover and even harder slightly or fully intoxicated. Running was replaced by Bloody Mary’s on the weekend and wine during the week.
For the past week I have been trying to rebuild my running chops. I have been running on the treadmill while listening to WTF (Marc Maron’s podcast). Running has always settled my anxiety and made me more mentally even. Today, I ran my old route outdoors. It is something I haven’t been able to do since 2010 because a bridge had to be taken out due to flooding that year. The bridge was finished last fall but I was too busy with my alcoholism to care. My run was hot and arduous but breathtakingly beautiful. The Universe, in her infinite kindness, even gave me a breeze.
I used to push myself on my runs. I would reward myself with beer or tequila. Today, I didn’t push. I ran when I could and took in the beauty all around me. After I crossed the bridge at the midway point, I heard a loud mewing. It sounded a bit like a hurt kitten. I popped my earphones out and looked in the direction of the sound to find the most beautiful, tiny fawn I have ever seen. We had a moment, standing there staring at each other. It was amazing (probably not for her- she was probably terrified). I tried to grab a picture for my kids but a truck came and she scurried off.
I feel strong today. I obtained my meds and I accomplished something wonderful. I feel reconnected to my church of running and to the benevolence of The Universe. It is a good day.
Oh and instead of rewarding myself with beer or tequila, I rewarded myself on sale running clothes. Much better!
View from the end segment of my run today. A huge improvement over the view from the treadmill in my basement. 🙂