Day 13- Grrrr…(rant, rant, rant)

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Sober but very, very grouchy today. Just one stupid thing after another with children bouncing off the walls in the middle (they sense weakness). First, the pharmacy didn’t have my  prescription filled that I called in yesterday. Out of refills. Totally my fault, but irritating nonetheless. Who really needs antidepressants anyhow? (I fucking do!) As a result, I snapped at my favorite pharmacist. Poor, dude. It wasn’t his fault. From there I have just been pissed at everything. I wanted to drink earlier, trying to justify that it would help me sleep, but got some coconut water and sugar cookies instead (which were stale- grrr). Then, I was mad at myself for letting things get out of hand with alcohol in the first place (why can’t I just drink like a ‘normal’ person?, etc) but then I reminded myself that I never really had anything in hand, when it came to drinking. I have been hiding my drinking in the shadows for years. I have been drinking heavily daily (save my pregnancies) since I was 23 or 24. My mom was sick and I was self destructive. Then my mom died and I went off the rails for awhile. I figured out how to be functional but I never figured out how to stop drinking way more than I should.

I did manage to go for a run today. An angry, bitter run, but a run nonetheless. 

Tomorrow will be better. Thanks for reading- blogging is saving my ass right now. 

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4 thoughts on “Day 13- Grrrr…(rant, rant, rant)

    Mrs D said:
    July 7, 2013 at 3:52 am

    Hey you ranting mad-woman you! Sorry it’s taken me an age to respond to your email and check out your blog. What a lovely site it is – and I must admit to really liking your gritty shitty-ness! Is that bad? Vent rant and rage my friend.. you will find a whole bunch of shit will swirl around for a while.. and then it will start to smooth out. So go very gently and take care of yourself. Look forward to following along on your journey xxxx

    El Guapo said:
    July 7, 2013 at 4:17 am

    The like is for you fighting off the demons for another day, not for having a bad day.

    themiracleisaroundthecorner said:
    July 7, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    I find when I wake up the next morning sober after a day like that, I feel even better about my recovery… I am praying you wake up feeling better!

    AuntieLex said:
    July 7, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    My chest was tightening and teeth grinding

    reading this… its like my feelings exactly.. I needed this today. . I am so in edge and ready to f it up.. thank you

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