Insomnia, reading about tequila and getting farther than before

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I got an amazing (that is sarcasm) 4 hours of sleep last night. Forgive any gratuitous grammar errors. I am beginning to grow impatient with this whole lack of normal sleep patterns thing. I haven’t been this sleep deprived since I was working on my Master’s. Rather than write my papers over the weekend, I would drink heavily and wake up at 3 in the morning on Monday to write and submit my paper for the week by 6AM. Then I would help ready the kids for their day and go to work. Despite being a total moron, I managed excellent grades. Good times. 

In my infinite insomnia, I read nearly an entire trashy romance novel last night. I grew anxious when I began a section where the heroine and her friends were out on the town doing shots of tequila. Thankfully, the whole scene ended in the main character getting drugged (the author doesn’t seem to have a very high opinion of alcohol). Tequila was my first elixir of choice (bourbon was a close second). I allowed myself the thought, “I will never again taste tequila.” I was a little sad but as I mentally traced my history with tequila, I realized tequila and drinking in general had not been fun in a long, long while. Maybe I re-realized it. Whatever. The point is I realized that I am fine never tasting tequila again. I have had my fill. Even Patron had lost its appeal. 

I am working on day 13. Earlier in the spring I was sober for 12 days, although, it was just a break- I hadn’t committed to NEVER drinking again and I wasn’t ready to admit the extent of my addiction, although I did profess to one of my classes that I didn’t drink anymore. Anyhow, I am officially further in my sobriety than I have been since I was pregnant with my daughter. Even when I was pregnant, I knew I would drink again. I would take tiny drinks and bide my time until I could drink unfettered from guilt. But I suppose that is a post for another day. Day 13- it is a brave new world. 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Insomnia, reading about tequila and getting farther than before

    carrythemessage said:
    July 7, 2013 at 1:55 am

    Yup – the sleep thing is gonna take a little bit of time. It took me about two weeks to finally get a good night’s sleep. The first in years that I had. Loved it. Still amazed to this day that I can just pass right out and alcohol had nothing to do with it (or any other drug). Very cool. But it took those weeks for my brain to rebound from the withdrawal. It’s different for everyone, so it might be another night or two for you. Who knows. But it’s so great when you can just read a book, put it down, and then sleep. For good. For real. No 3 am shaky, sweaty, eyes coming out of your head kind of waking up. Yay for sleep! And that is just the start of the rest of our body and mind and emotions re-regulating themselves to an extent.

    Glad you’re on this journey, my friend. Glad I found your blog…keep writing 🙂

    Paul

    themiracleisaroundthecorner said:
    July 7, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    As Paul said, hang in there, one of the greatest miracles of sobriety is an uninterrupted night’s sleep… I still marvel about it! When I was in active addiction, I never, ever, EVER slept well, that is a long time to go on little sleep! It does take some time, but I’m guessing you’re over the hump. I can’t wait to read the post after a full night’s sleep!

    mishedup said:
    July 7, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Oh that insomnia made me crazy!
    Its funny, I always prided myself on not being a black-out drinker, but the truth was close….I would drink until I poured myself into bed and passed out. Ver little difference there.
    Yout body and brain has some healing to do. Some people sleep all the time, some don’t. But it evens out eventually. When you start sleeping well again you can count is as a big step in your healing process…it will feel great. Meanwhile, if you do get tired, honor that feeling and take a nap, if possible. Won’t be easy with little ones, but maybe lay day when they do?

    Keep it up Maya..you are doing great!

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