I made it!

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I was really, deeply worried about making it through the 4th without drinking. It was like a looming catastrophe all week. Again, in case you missed my constant yammering and obsessing, the 4th in my tiny town is a LEGENDARY drinking occasion. However, I was prepared. I had Kombucha, coconut water, diet coke, seltzer and pie on hand. I was only around a couple of folks who were drinking (mostly before 10AM at the parade- Yikes!) and I was fine. A friend even stopped over this afternoon, PBR in hand. I think he was hoping to find folks to be a little drunk and silly with but instead he found us with our iced coffee and Kombucha. He was the only one drinking and I think he was more uncomfortable than we were. Bonus, I remember ALL of the conversation I had with said friend and it was a nice visit. The parade was lovely, the fireworks were lovely. I think the kids had a good day. My sweet hubby and I had one meltdown over my insomnia (hello? I would totally sleep if I could!) but it lead to a really good talk. All in all, I made it through to sit here peacefully with my tea and my computer to tell you all about it. I am proud and relieved.

One side note:  I was prone to fits of rage, usually yelling, when I drank. I always chalked it up to the drinking. Today, however, I encountered my little rage monster completely sober. I took my six year old out on the hill behind our house to see more fireworks while my hubby put the little one to bed. It was completely dark and there were people everywhere. Three morons came through on a makeshift dirt road, driving way too fast. I was alone with my six year old and it really scared him. I got so pissed at one lovely lady in an SUV I very nearly chucked my flashlight at her shiny oversized vehicle. Instead, I screamed at her to slow down. Hmmm… Rage monster…Something to keep an eye on.

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5 thoughts on “I made it!

    Lilly said:
    July 5, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    Congratulations! Great you feel proud, you should. Those big boozing events/holidays can be tough early on. But isn’t it funny how sometimes how we build them up in our head beforehand can be much worse than the actual event. I’ve had times I’ve totally obsessed over not drinking at something or other and it’s been a breeze when it actually happened. In any case, happy indepence from the bonds of addiction day 🙂 Lilly x

    Lilly said:
    July 5, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    Stupid iPad typos… Independence.

    El Guapo said:
    July 5, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Congratulations!
    And being sober helps you see the rage monster coming.

    carrythemessage said:
    July 6, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Congrats on day four! Anger (or rage in our cases sometimes) is something that comes up. “Normal” people have it, so why shouldn’t we? lol And while the drink amplified much of our emotions (or dampened them – take your pick, roll the dice that day), it does mean that we have something to amplify. Anger is going to be there – it’s just how we react to that anger and express it that is going to take time in adjusting to. Drunken rampages and manifestos and tirades are de rigeur for many of us, but now that the booze is out, what do we do with that emotion called “anger”? And that is what we learn to do in recovery / sobriety – finding healthy way to express it, and in doing things that keep us on an even keel so that anger and resentment don’t flare up as strongly. I know that I am out of sorts, spiritually, when the littlest thing sets me off. Driving is usually the culprit…ha ha.

    But yes, keep an eye…and be gentle with yourself too. My emotions were all over the place for the first few months…a roller coaster. But it evened out. Our minds and bodies are resetting after long medication with booze.

    Enjoy your day 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

      Maya June responded:
      July 6, 2013 at 3:31 pm

      Thanks so much for replying. I am really enjoying exploring your blog. Thank you also for your kind words and insights. Please! Keep them coming- I am like the sponge in your extended metaphor post about the art and processes of photography and being a sponsor. I should have been more specific in my post. I made it through American Independence Day (July 4th). It was my 11th day (now I am working on 13). Normally, I would feel ungrateful and snotty for pointing that out but I am sure you can understand that, instead, I am extremely proud. 🙂

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