Balancing whilst moderating

Posted on

Alcohol and the utter lack of energy, time and motivation that are her inevitable accessories have helped me gain about 20-25 pounds over the past three years. We can’t call it baby fat anymore, because, well, the baby turns 5 in November. I weighed in at 214 just before I quit drinking and I am now 207. For the past couple of days, I have felt really, physically shitty. I am not getting enough sleep and my body feels deprived of everything. I figured one of the best motivators to keep me sober would be weight loss, so I have been following a slow carb diet, ala The 4 Hour Body. I caved yesterday and had a sliver of fruit tart which lead to four hours of despair topped off by quiet sobbing. I realized this morning that I am being way too hard on myself. While I don’t want to trade one addiction for another, I need to cut myself a little slack. This is easier said than done. I am terrified if I abandon the low carb thing, my husband will give up on me (this is an unfounded and completely irrational fear- but it is still there). I am terrified of slipping into the same food addiction that plagued my mother who was around 300 lbs at her heaviest. Balance. Balance and moderation. Maybe there is at least one aspect of my life where I can figure out how to apply those concepts. Almond butter on a tortilla or a half a cup of orange juice beat a box of wine or bottle of bourbon any day, right?

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Balancing whilst moderating

    Rachel said:
    July 3, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    A) E loves you to the ends of the earth and beyond and if nothing else has made him leave, a fruit tart certainly won’t do it 🙂
    B) Go easy on yourself. I tell myself if I lost 5 pounds, it would be 5 pounds less on my bike frame and my muscles, but I also know that it is somewhat unrealistic to train to win, build muscle, and still lose weight. So instead, I feel grateful that I’m in a position to train and race in the first place
    C) Be careful not to deprive yourself of too much too fast. If alcohol is out, be moderate about other things until you are more comfortable with alcohol out. Weight is slow to come on and slow to come off, so be patient. It certainly will come off.
    D) You are absolutely loved and a walk or slow jog or series of asanas will feel better in the morning than a box of wine

      Maya June responded:
      July 3, 2013 at 5:13 pm

      What on Earth would I do without you? Thanks, and of course you are right. I love you dearly for responding. Have an awesome day!

    AuntieLex said:
    July 4, 2013 at 2:24 am

    I am so there with you.. the energy suckage and all that goes with it. . Cutting oneself slack when you are always supposed to be on (mom wife etc) that is hard shit.. thanks for sharing

    El Guapo said:
    July 4, 2013 at 3:35 am

    You’re already doing better for yourself by kicking the alcohol.

    lauroralamp said:
    July 4, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    One thing at a time 🙂 the voice telling you irrational body/weight-provoked fears may be the same one who claims you need alcohol. It’s all lies and manipulations. I named that part of me, and when she is loud I tell her to hush. It may not help you, but I thought I’d share. I am impressed by you, miss!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s