My 100 day pledge and a bit of my story

Posted on Updated on

Hi Belle,

I am so in! I am 7 days sober today. This last week was one of the most difficult of my life but, as I hear my little children play outside, I know I am DONE, FINISHED, FIN! I also know it is going to be difficult perhaps, beyond what I can predict. My grandmother (who helped raise me) is very ill. Her decline lead me to make stupid bad alcohol choices. OK, let’s be real, it gave me an excuse to make MORE stupid bad alcohol choices. Alcoholism has been in the mail for the past fifteen years, but the events of the past year seem to have accelerated my timeline. My drinking timeline ended with my husband (he is quitting as well) and I splitting a box of wine (the really, big cheap kind- 5L) per night and drinking upwards of 3 12 packs of beer and 2-3 bottles of hard liquor on the weekends. My six year-old noticed that we were buying a box of wine per day and reasoned (bless his soul) that that much wine couldn’t be healthy.
I am a teacher so thankfully I have some time off from work to navigate this shift. I do not, however, have the luxury of time and space in the parenting realm, nor would I want it. I have to get and keep my shit together for my little ones. I have to get and keep my shit together for myself.
My dad has been a rock over the last week. I have hidden my drinking from him because he is a recovered alcoholic himself and I knew he would call me out. He is trying to push me toward AA, but their philosophy just isn’t a good fit for me. I know I need support. Thankfully, I have my dad, my husband (who needs his own support) and a dear friend who is 4 years sober but I don’t want to drain any of those sources dry. I have spent many nights (thank you booze brain induced insomnia) reading sobriety blogs. Blogging seems like it could provide the community I so crave. I started my blog last night. Maya June is my pseudonym. As a teacher, I never know who is trolling my internet presence and for what purpose, so I have chosen for now to remain safely hidden behind Maya June (it is what we would have named my son had he turned out to be a daughter) for the time being.
So here I am and here I go:
“I will not drink for 100 days.  No matter what.  I can cry, but I will not drink.  I can go to bed or go home early. I might feel distressed … but I will not drink.  Bad things might happen, but I will not drink.  Incredibly shitty things may happen to someone around me, or my neighbor, or my friend’s friend’s grandmother.  But there will be no booze.  Funerals? Weddings? Amputation?  I’m not drinking for 100 days no matter what happens … No matter what.” My last drink was June 23rd, 2013.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s